Reason to Stop
by Anello Della Campana
Summary: Adel had scolded him, his whole "family" was not amused of what he was doing. But what was his reason to stop? He had to stop, he wanted to stop. But he couldn't. Those haunting images were still there, and would still linger until he found his reason to stop. Warning: not-detailed fic, hints of self-harm. No pairing.


_So... A new story, even though I haven't updated two of my fics. Eep. This one is a one shot though! And it's inspired from an Epic Mafia game. I got an Enma to play as and some random Mami just hit my Enma up with depressing messages. So here I am._

_Trigger Warning: depressing thoughts. I am not that good with description anyway._

_This is short, like really short. I don't think I even tried ;A; I'm sorry_

_No pairing, but friendship!27 and 00!_

_I do not own KHR. Enjoy._

* * *

He could hear it, the sound of the rain. He could hear it too, the sound of his heart beating.

Those two were unrelated things, but the point was he could still hear them.

He was hiding in an abandoned building, curling up like a ball, all dirty and tattered. He was full of bruises and cuts caused by the bullies. He could still hear it yet once again, the cruel and unforgiving laughter the bullies had when they kicked him, punching him and unceremoniously undressed him just so he would be embarrassed. He could still see their mocking faces, as if reminding him on how pathetic he was, for not being able to fight back. He could still feel the punches, the kicks, the pain.

Oh how he wished he couldn't hear anything. He wished he couldn't see anything, much less feel anything.

That way he wouldn't be this hurt, he wouldn't be this lonely, he wouldn't...

He wouldn't be this desperate.

Adel had told him to stop, even Koyo had shouted at him for his "pathetic, cowardly stunts". The rest of his famiglia didn't seem to be happy that he did it as well, even Julie stared at him with these strange eyes, one that actually scared him a little bit.

But he couldn't stop.

He couldn't stop from dragging the blade across his skin, watching as the blood came out bits by bits, falling helplessly to the ground with a soft '_tap tap tap'_ sound. He couldn't stop himself from letting himself being dragged on the ground, as he was kicked and punched numerous times. He couldn't stop himself from _giving up_, to just try to _run away_.

He couldn't stop when it was so calming at the same time.

They didn't seem to understand, he thought. They had experienced the same things; him and his famiglia, but they didn't seem to be just.. like him.

It was haunting, as he felt like that incident happened just yesterday. He could still somehow see them, his parents and Mami died in front of him. He could still see the blood, he could still feel the red liquid splattering to his cheeks. He could still hear their screams, Mami's cries for help, and his own desperate cry.

If he could somehow tune the pain away by causing other pain to himself, it was okay for him.

Because it was better that way, wasn't it? At least for him, it was. He didn't have to feel like shit by remembering _that_ pain. He could just focus on this pain. This physical pain he inflicted upon himself, and what the bullies had caused to him.

It was better than the memory of his family dying.

* * *

"Enma! Seriously, stop that already!" Adel scolded him, pulling on his arm and bandaging it, covering the cuts. The red head simply stayed quiet, looking at the ground with an empty expression. The older woman stared at him worriedly, even though she still had her stern and strict expression on. "Enma, please," his cloud guardian spoke with worry. "Stop it. This is not healthy."

The red head whimpered a little, biting his bottom lip and he didn't even dare to look at Adelheid's pleading look. She didn't understand. Enma knew this was not healthy, he knew he was making his whole family worried, he knew that this was not the right thing to do.

Enma also wanted to stop.

He wanted those haunting memories to stop.

He wanted those nightmares to stop.

But nothing happened like how he wanted it to be, right? He still felt it, he still heard it, he still remembered it. It was crushing him, bits by bits.

If only he could stop.

If only...

_Someone... Help me._

* * *

'You are my pride', he said, even though it actually meant his friends were his pride, Enma couldn't help but to still feel honored by that. Someone treasured him, someone cared for him. Heck, he even was someone's pride! He felt good for once, and when the other found out about his past habit of letting himself get hurt, he looked down at the ground in shame.

Though, he didn't expect for a hand to caress his arm, his hand... His scars. He saw the care and worry in the brunet's eyes and he fell, sobbing over the thought that finally,

he had reason to stop.

Because as he was someone's pride, he had been healed and he was shown enough care that he wouldn't be haunted by nightmares anymore. Not that he'd forget about Mami and his parents. No, no. He was just...

_so happy._

_He had a reason not to hurt himself._

* * *

"...ma-kun..? Enma-kun!"

Enma was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the familiar voice of his best friend. Sawada Tsunayoshi, in his mid-twenties, was looking at him in worry. "Enma-kun, are you okay?"

Blinking, Enma rubbed his eyes a little bit. "A-Ah, yes, Tsuna-kun? Can you please repeat what you said?"

"Focus, trash," a gruff voice of the one and only Xanxus came from his left. The boss of the Varia was sitting with his arms crossed, looking pretty much impatient. "Even if I want to get the fuck out of this damned meeting as fast as possible, I still listen to what the shitty boss has to say." His eyes were focused on Tsuna, who could only laugh nervously.

A soft laugh came from Tsuna's right, the once self-proclaimed God was smiling from ear to ear, commenting, "Haha~ That's not so nice, Xanxus-kun. Tsunayoshi-kun here is trying to make the best choices for the family and allies, we can't just go out whenever we want."

Hearing that, the said 'Tsunayoshi-kun' rolled his eyes, "I pretty much know you also want to go out as soon as possible, considering your fingers had been twitching for the past hour."

"You noticed? That's so great, Tsunayoshi-kun! I really want marshmallows but I ran out of them. Can I get out now?"

"No."

"Aaw..." The bearer of the Mare Ring slumped on his seat, and Yuni who was on Tsuna's left giggled, though not commenting at all. Dino, who was sitting at Enma's right, could only sigh.

"Otouto, can you repeat what you said for Enma? He seemed to doze off a little bit just now."

"Is my presentation really that boring?" The Vongola boss sighed, shaking his head.

"Yes. Hurry up, brat."

"Xanxus! That's mean!"

Enma looked at all of the current occupants in the room: the close allies of the Vongola, attending a meeting to discuss future possible allies. The red head's almost wanted to sigh, he shouldn't have dozed off like that.

But what to do, this meeting was kinda boring, just as Xanxus had said.

"...Okay, so regarding the Reville Famiglia," the red head focused on Tsuna when the other started to speak once again, "we wouldn't establish an agreement with them considering they had been hurting innocent kids and you know what would happen if Mukuro finds out." The other's words ended with a soft sigh, and Enma felt his lips twitch in amusement.

"Even if you're a boss, you're still scared of your mist guardian. Pathetic."

"...Xanxus!"

"Tsunayoshi-kuuuun, can I go out now?"

Yeah.

He had a reason not to.

* * *

_I'm not even trying with the ending omfg._

_I'm sorry._

_Kick me._


End file.
